Okay, daytime TV has officially turned against me.

With a vengeance no less.

Exhibit A: Showtime, in its less than infinite wisdom, is airing a monstrosity of crap. Offensive to women and literature afficionados everywhere. A 2003 remake of Pride & Prejudice that does not include Colin Firth, Richard Armitage, or Laurence Olivier and is literally set in the now of stupid house parties and retarded roommates. Naturally, I recoiled in horror.

Continued my channel surfing with muttered invectives against the world today--I mean, I'm unemployed and any jackanapes who can skim can remake classics, what is the world coming to?!

And I stumbled onto Exhibit B with no warning.

Ever had a childhood movie that qualified as your worst nightmare? For some, it's Poltergeist. For me, it's ORCA. And it's on TNT today! Now! I nearly shrieked when I saw the title and the foamy bloody water as the 'killer' whale attacked a shark. Luckily it was only the beginning and not before the whale went on a vendetta. To this day, I would never ever live in one of those houses on slats on the shore. No way, not even if it's living with Richard Armitage and he promises to wear a cravat every day.

I'm afraid to see what's behind door number three.