I've been mulling it over for sometime, that perhaps my buddha belly and random malaise might be the result of some undiagnosed food intolerance. And as I love diagnosing myself, I settled upon a mild wheat intolerance and decided to test run it for a few weeks to see if it didn't sort me out.
Couple of things you should know:
When in doubt, I turn to cookies.
Given to nibbling every two hours, snack bars have wormed their way deep into my life.
Being Iranian raised on Salad Olivier and koresht, sandwiches are intoxicatingly exotic.
Not ideal and we knew we were going to be in for a rough few weeks.
Oddly enough, dinner was not a problem. Protein, greens, side of wine and I'm set. Breakfast and lunch, however, were a kick in the pants. Without wheat, my options dwindled to cornflakes to start my day. Unless I was willing to have a fry-up every morning before work (let's be honest, we all know my sleep pattern couldn't take that and not too sure my heart could either), I was down to measly cornflakes. Could there be a more BORING breakfast cereal? No texture, no surprises, just bland little flakes. Blergh.
And lunch! Lunch, with my beloved sandwiches, was not going to be the same. I tried a solid week of salads, with inventive ingredients like German salami, avocado, cooked beetroots, asparagus and artichoke hearts. Mind you, I really enjoy salads, but this felt like I was slowly starving to death and still my health hadn't noticeably perked up. I felt the same, only more obsessed with bread. And nobody wants to be THAT girl.
More alarmingly, when I couldn't hack it any more (picture me leaping off the wagon with defiance and abandon, two fingers up) and indulged in a panini or a cookie or three, my stomach shot me a memo of two words: Not Cool. I was losing what little tolerance I had to wheat. Gulp, what would this mean for the rest of my life?
Still though, knowing that this could potentially change my health (i.e., get rid of those last 5 belly pounds and maybe do away with headaches, constant colds and hives), I pushed through. We looked into wheat free toast (feels like lead when it hits your stomach) and jacket potatoes for lunch(not as boring as cornflakes but can I face a routine with potatoes for every lunch? How many permutations of baked potato filling could I come up with?).
A bigger issue was rising on the horizon. It's my birthday month and what the hell were we going to do about birthday cake? Well, in that respect, may the sun always shine on London's Borough Market and the Cinnamon Tree Bakery, who have convinced P and I that brownies don't need wheat. Only more chocolatey gooeyness. That's right. Suck it, wheat, brownies don't need you!
I honestly can't say that I'll be living wheat free forever, but here are some of the things I'm deeply grateful for: rice, rice noodles, Haribo gummies, winter for all its lush soups, chocolate and rice puddings.
Oh and silver lining: the occasional savoury pastry doesn't make my tummy hurt. And believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the winter. I know, right?! But winter eating will be a breeze: oatmeal for breakfast, chunky soups for lunch, and slab of protein for dinner. Can just about taste it!
Like in everything else, it's one day at a time and never an absolute. Life always veers off the edge of map, son.
