Where The Women Are Strong and The Men Are Pretty

So, chicks, where we last left off, Mr Findingmoxie and I were embarking on our flat-hunt in the city of San Francisco. Now, this wasn't our first rodeo and we had picked up a few tricks from our London hunting days. First, you must always go in with a chequebook and if you like it, slap a ring on it immediately. Hunters who decide to mull it over a pint of stout or a good night's sleep will never ever get the flat of their dreams. Fortune favours the brash, so move quickly and without showing any hesitation. Second, be prepared to be shown many squalid and truly horrifying tenements. Don't become dispirited by this nightmare  sequence. You need to see the bad to recognize the good. Think on Jane Austen. There must be a Wickham before there can be a Darcy. However, that is not to say that we were expecting the SF flat hunt to be a cake-walk. Not at all. Mr Findingmoxie had read a handful of alarming articles, ruminating on the state of the rental market in the city and it was reputed to be FIERCE. In any case, a reconnaissance was in order, so we piled into a car and went out to find our new stomping ground. 

 

When I last lived in San Francisco, I found the city beautiful and believed the source of its beauty was purely geographical--a city of hills on a bay, the East Bay sprawling out on one side of the bay and the ocean stretching out on the other. Bookended by two soaring bridges and around every corner, a new breathtaking view of water, sun and dizzyingly steep streets, how could San Francisco not be a stunner? 

Well, the prodigal has returned and now all I can see are the buildings, glorious painted ladies in all colors, shapes and sizes. Houses in the Sunset district are compact and bright, perched near Ocean Beach like an tier of whimsically iced cupcakes. The homes in the Castro have stairs that lead up from the street, towering ever higher, like tropical birds perched in tree branches. In the Haight, homes verge on the psychedelic, more color on one house from trim to base than you'd ever expect to see in a whole street of homes. In Cole Valley, the apartment buildings change from style, shape and era, nevermind the colors. Sounds mad, doesn't it? In San Francisco, it just WORKS. And frankly, it can make you feel giddy and charmed that honest to goodness grown-ups live in a real-life Candyland. 

Having sussed neighborhoods, we were ready to jump in the melee. I would consider the findingmoxies fairly respectable, in fact, verging alarmingly on yuppie--saved only by the weird and wonderful awesomeness of our friends. Both of us clean up real good, know our way around a smile and a witticism, and on the whole, are productive members of society. Most days. But as we went from flat to flat, meeting agent after agent, and explained our circumstances--no jobs lined up, just immigrated from London, flush with hard-earned savings, Mr Findingmoxie without a credit history in this country, living in LA, but stating our references as housing agents in London, and so on--we started to FEEL shifty. Seriously, we sounded like fast-talking charlatans, selling beachfront property in Arizona. I won't lie. It became demoralizing. Even I wouldn't have given us a lease.

It was looking hopeless, chicks. But we kept on and one day, we saw this flat in Cole Valley that was privately owned by a family. Halfway through showing us the flat, the landlady turned to us and confessed that she liked us. And she wanted the flat rented out that day. Mr Findingmoxie and I looked at each other. Suddenly, we were like that brainy girl in high school who slouches, wears glasses and her hair in a ponytail, never believing in herself until that popular boy becomes her lab partner, spends afternoons studying with her, realizes she's AMAZING and tells her so. I'll tell you, WHAT A RUSH. We practically fell over ourselves to apply for the apartment and assure the landlady that yes, we were as amazing as she thought we were. Next thing we know, we're signing a lease in her apartment while admiring the tigers painted onto her Tibetan rugs. 

Two weeks later, we moved in. Without any furniture or electronics. In fact, we are still waiting for our furniture. But, I trust Jane Austen and know that until you spend 3 weeks sitting on folding chairs, you cannot truly appreciate a sofa.

Our yellow apartment building....

And so, we present to you, our new Casa findingmoxie! For your viewing pleasure, we've recorded a video tour of our lovely new flat, bare as it is.

Kicking Seaweed and Burning Shoe Leather, The LA Story

Looking down on El Matador

So, it's been a while since our last post where we left you with the promise of golden sands and bikini bodies. Be assured that I am here to deliver. The temperature did spike again and with the San Fernando Valley nearing 40C/100F, I knew the coast would be just about perfect. Driving through the canyon to the coast, we could feel the exact moment the temperature went from roasting Valley heat to balmy coastal glory. My favourite Californian beach is the El Matador, a beautiful state beach closer to Ventura county than Los Angeles. It's a photographer's delight and it's a fairly regular occurrence to see swimsuit models draped over the rocks on a shoot or this time, engagement photos and family portraits.

The tiny gravel pit off the coastal highway that serves as a parking lot and the steep climb down to the sand means that to roll around in the sun on El Matador you have to really, really want it. No dilettantes and posers here, which, in LA is saying something. Unlike European beaches, however, there isn't a cafe or bar down on the sand. There isn't even a restroom, only a hideous porta-potty on top of the cliff. It's basically a few hours of lounging and then high-tailing it back to proper plumbing and frappucinos.

Say what? Public transportation in LA?

Anyway, it was a lovely afternoon, spent reading and watching the sun slant across the waves. The sea was, as usual, sharply cold and I have to admit, I moped for those gentle, warm seas in  southern Europe while I was tossed about by the Pacific Ocean and mauled by seaweed beds. But there is nothing like the sea to ease whatever ails you. The roar and whisper of the waves pouring onto the shore and sweeping back, the sun warming the skin and the ridiculous romance novel I was reading went a long way to lessening the pangs of homesickness.

Knowing that Mr Findingmoxie and I are relative babes in La La land, our friend Mozu offered to take us on a tour of downtown Los Angeles. As a true child of the suburbs, I had never ventured into the heart of LA, which is funny considering that I usually enjoy tramping through cities. Putting together his research, Mozu whipped together an itinerary that showcased the grand old architecture of the downtown and the tucked away food markets.

Gleaming Union Station

First stop, pun intended, was the iconic Union Station. Built on a far more glamorous scale than any train station has any right to be, Union Station looks more like some distinguished university library. Vaulted ceilings laid with warm wooden beams overhang the waiting area. The individually divided armchairs are surprisingly posh and plush--all in the retro-fabulous shade of mustard. And paradoxically, given this is a train station, servicing both Amtrak overground and underground metro and all the people in between, there is a tranquility to the station. Much like the hush of a lovely old library really. Like El Matador, Union Station is also a standard for professionally posed photos, so we got into the spirit and mugged around. On either side of the main hall, glass doors open onto a lush garden, lined with one of my favourite flowers of all time: the awesomely huge Birds of Paradise. Now, little known fact, but findingmoxie wanted to have Birds of Paradise in her wedding, notably in Mr Findingmoxie's boutonniere. I mean, how HILARIOUS would it have been to have a ginormous Bird of Paradise on his lapel? Sadly, my florist/bridesmaid refused, pointblank. But on our LA tour, I got as close to that dream as I probably ever will.

Behold. 

Waiting for take off. 

Ambling along, our next stop was Olvera Street, a row of Mexican stalls and delicious looking eateries. We tacoed for lunch and despite promising ourselves that we wouldn't overeat beans and rice, we did. And how. Never had a walking tour been so welcome.


We saw City Hall, wandered into the beautiful Los Angeles Public Library and even found ourselves outside the Biltmore Hotel, where I had had my high school prom many moons ago and in the lobby of which Mr Findingmoxie and Mozu forced me to acknowledge that more years had gone by than I had accounted for in my mental math. I won't lie; that was a blow. But I firmly believe that you're as young as you act and so, I promptly played in a public fountain. And blessedly, just like that, the balance in my world was restored.

Peek-a-boo 

Cooling our tired feet in our personal fountain of youth

Our tour concluded with the Last Bookstore of Los Angeles, a virtual playground of books and more books, where the very medium of books acted as an art installation.  The entire upper level housed used books that were priced at a dollar each. One dollar! Hardcovers, too! I may have geeked out. Needless to say, I walked out with an armful or two.

Tired, slightly pink and excited by the hidden promise of LA, we made our way back to the San Fernando Valley to sit around a backyard fire pit with my family. All in all, have to admit, Los Angeles surprised me.

Next up: Flat hunting in San Francisco, because this town is not big enough for the findingmoxie and parents.

There's Bourbon in My Beer and Possibly Scorpions in the Grass

Not quite big sky country, but close. 

Given that we're now Californians, we decided to live the lifestyle. Mr Findingmoxie has found himself a recreation center with an outdoor pool and is seriously smitten with swimming outdoors in mid-October. In fact, he emphasized this just before blog went to press. That's how much he delights over all of you. But don't fret, dear friends, where delight ends, farmer's tan begins. Sure, you might wonder that he's swimming in the sun, but conscientious as he is with sunblock, that's one farmer's tan that's not going anywhere. That's one of the many reasons, I'm grateful to be a lady: strappy tank tops and boob tubes keep the dreaded farmer's tan away. 

California's got a lot to offer, but frankly that's proven a bit hard to believe living in the suburbs (and subtext: living with my parents makes me feel like a stroppy, bored teenager all over again). It comes as no surprise that life in Los Angeles is worlds away from our life in London, sprawling sun-land versus city-scape, but the devil is in the details. While my parents don't live in the wilds of LA county, there is still a good 5 minute drive to anything resembling coffee or life as we know it. Gone are the days of nipping out on foot to Gail's Bakery on the corner for a flat white and a scone. That small detail (besides the weather, the people, the food) is a sucker punch that gets us every time. I'll be honest, that's been a struggle and cabin fever is very much an issue. The moxies miss being able to get around on our own steam, the old get-out and get.  Granted, the upside is that my shoes will have a longer lifespan and I can take 4-inch wedges on a day out without a single qualm. Give and take, I guess.

Mr Findingmoxie working on his farmer's tan.

So, we're working on it. Working on enjoying the simpler pleasures. Like hikes. Yes, hikes. Or, as much a hike as my limited shoe collection will allow me. Mint green fitflops aren't exactly all terrain friendly. We're lucky enough to have a nature reserve just minutes away from my parents home with easy trails: El Escorpion Park. Yes, I try not to think too closely about it. For the record, I haven't seen a single scorpion in the park and I hope NEVER to. Actually, we didn't see a single critter, so maybe the park was taking it easy on us. It's coyote country and I'm not really sure I can handle that sort of outdoorsy at this point in my life. Walking a trail surrounded by canyons, the sun high and the sky wide, and the wind whispering through the long grass, is probably as peaceful as you'll ever be in the San Fernando Valley.

Forget the hiking though. What we're most excited about is the beer. Oh, the beer. Sure, England has those cask ales and stouts that I love, but here in the US, we're rocking all kinds of darling little microbreweries. So, what better way to get involved than go to beer-tastings. That is correct, beer-tastings. With pretzels to cleanse your palate and a few fingers of beer to sip, this is probably the most fun we've had with booze without the hangover. The beer-lier is nearly completely dead-pan, so you're never sure if he thinks you're funny or you're a drag. Two tastings in, I think we're winning him over; Mr Findingmoxie doesn't wish to speculate. The other patrons are just as interesting and obsessed with breweries. Brewery-lust is the new classic-car-lust. We've tasted IPAs and sampled Rich Fall Brews, and made an AMAZING discovery. A black IPA. Seriously. It's a marriage between stout and IPA--mine and Mr Findingmoxe's opposite tastes in one snazzy looking bottle with some righteously good flavour. It's Speakeasy's Butchertown and it has shifty spy EYES. I think I've also found my sipping spirit--in a beer. Turns out beer aged in bourbon barrels tastes just enough of bourbon with just enough of a burn that I can pour it into a snifter, swirl it around and drink it on moody winter nights like it is bourbon.             

Another perk of California is being back in the thick of my family and let me say that while we've been angsting about our move for the last few months, these guys have done nothing but get excited. Just the Saturday after we landed, Mr Findingmoxie got his first taste of what my extended family looks like in one room. It's fairly similar to a Liverpool party, only with louder adults and less children. Slightly uncomfortable with our newfound celebrity status, I spent most of the evening being expertly interrogated on my career prospects, relocation plans, and our philosophy on child-rearing all the while being plied with delicious Persian food. Mr Findingmoxie fared slightly better. Most people just wanted to hear his English accent. Our popularity earned us another family night, with my uncle declaring he'd come over to make his famous pizzas for us. That was the promise, but in the end, we got wrangled into doing most of the dirty work ourselves. There is a certain joy in arranging your own pizza toppings though, but I suspect that speaks more about my control issues than anything else! I will say that my cousin's advice on cutting pizza slices has changed my life. In the kitchen, anyway!

My pride and joy

Next up: we haven't been out to the beach yet, which is shocking considering that's a huge selling point for Los Angeles. Plans are for heading out on Sunday as the temperature is set to spike again. Although, have to admit that my soul feels a bit bruised by going bikini body in October, after having automatically given up on summer. Oh well, bikini is a state of mind and I hope to be there by Sunday!

The Girl is Back in the Valley

I'd venture a guess that most of you picked up on the fact that I was rearing kittens this summer. Your first clue might have been the month's worth of blog entries, detailing our progress. What was probably less apparent was that the Findingmoxies were also on the move. For the last year, we'd been jumping through government hoops and getting prodded by government doctors (Mr Findingmoxie, mostly), all to secure Mr Findingmoxie his American visa so that he could try life as an ex-pat this time. 

After 5 years, I was going 'home' in the autumn. Like all things, it sounded more exciting when we first began to plot it out. By the end of the summer, I wanted to keep two kittens and board up the door to our lovely, lovely London flat and NEVER LEAVE. Extreme? Yes, probably. 

American on the inside, British on the outside

But here's what you should know about transatlantic romance. First, the black eyes. There are more goodbyes and temporal displacement than I would wish on anyone. There is the very real risk that one of you will come out with a hybrid accent that baffles you and makes everyone else uncomfortable. There is also the certainty that you'll be deeply out of the loop on one side--culturally and logistically. Try setting up a cellular phone 5 years after you last had one. Things have changed, my friends, things have changed. You may end up having to explain your life history to the man in the shop because you know he's thinking that there is no way you could be so clueless about How Things Are--unless you just crawled out from underneath a rock. And you have no concept of what's 'normal' after 5 years. More importantly, the cultural lexicon has carried on without you. All the inside jokes, the bulk of American TV, the lame teen movies and the ever-changing radio stations have passed you by. It literally feels like you're from outer space at this point. So, while Mr Findingmoxie wants to embrace an athletic outdoorsy life in California, with less television, I want to hole up and catch up on all the television I've missed. But, I digress. 

Your In-Laws Will Indulge Any Whim On The Last Night

 Your Friends Will Respect The Leaving Party Theme

On to the feathers in the cap of transatlantic romance. You have friends everywhere. You even have a couple family homes in different time zones, all without being a trust fund baby. You have multiple stamps in your passport and have lived in exotic places like London, Chesterfield, San Francisco and the San Fernando Valley. You throw huge parties every couple of years when you relocate and all your friends and family shower you with gifts and proclamations of how fond they are of you. When you are in town, all your friends and family have to drop everything to spend time with you. You'll never need to pay for a hotel in either locale. Your friends are thrilled by the idea of holidaying in your spare bedroom and your parents have to spoil you in the hopes that you'll come home soon.  To everyone you meet, your life sounds pretty amazing--the ultimate cocktail story. Best of all, you're on an adventure with the one you love. It's Mr Findingmoxie and I against the world. 

 Anyway, we made it work. We spent two weeks travelling through Europe after I returned the kittens (another blog entry to come) and then another two weeks last-hurrahing through England and packing our stuff together for The Immigration. Pickfords International Removal sent two lively gents (who ate all our biscuits and cheerfully heckled me on how many clothes and shoes I had) to chuck all our precious things  into boxes wily nily. The Pickford's representative, our old chum Rory, sold it to us as a premiere service where we would relax with a glass of wine while experienced professionals gently and efficiently packed our life--yes, he actually said, you'll be sat there with a glass of wine, relaxing while it's all sorted for you. At which point, Mr Findingmoxie dryly reminded him that our removal was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning and not so much a wine time. Sadly. Rory had to conclude that that was a shame. Well, we didn't get wine and we certainly didn't get liveried butlers wrapping my gowns in tissue paper and dust-bagging my shoes. Given how they 'packed' Mr Findingmoxie's shoes, I'm somewhat relieved I didn't get to see them pack mine. My head might have exploded. Oh, my beautiful shoes. All tossed together with no order and mashed out of shape! I'll angst over that for another 9-12 weeks.

In the end, what we didn't ship, we gave away or ruthlessly chucked out. We ditched some in front of the charity shop late on our last eve, surreptitious-style. We bartered 2 bottles of fine single malt Scotch for two croissant sandwiches the morning of our departure. Still think we got the better part of that deal. We finally found ourselves in Heathrow with 5 suitcases, a painting and a top hat. And so very sad to leave it all behind. Thanks, London for the love, the laughs, the hustle, the sights, the late nights, the trains, the house parties and mixing drinks in the office, the camping, the kittens, the Scotch eggs and Sunday roasts, the winters, 2 months of Christmas, the Guinness, the fashion, and the privilege of saying we were Londoners. As we will always be. 

findingmoxie In A Nutshell: Whimsical, Brightly Coloured&Never Packing Light

Next up: the moxies in the Valley and findingmoxie, at 30 something, living with her parents again. Spoiler: there will be angst and hijinks. 

Mr Findingmoxie, Outdoorsy At Last 

The Rule of Six

Play is not cute, it's dead serious, lady.

I promised you nicknames, so I'll lead with that. Dill, I have taken to calling Dumbo occasionally as she is always playing with something dangerous or inappropriate. What's that? Someone chewing on wires? It's Dill. Trying to pull the iron down by the cord? It's Dill. Tearing off and moving to eat packing tape? It's Dill, our little Dumbo. Scout, for his courageous and fearless exploring, is known as Scoutus Maximus. Jem is known as Fatty Arbuckle for his relentless appetite and attempts to snake any food I try to leave out for the others. Calpurnia is Cray, because of the wild way she gets involved in a game. As in, that kitten is cray....Boo Radley is Boo. Obviously. It works especially well given how scaredy-cat he is. Geddit? Geddit? Atticus is the only one who doesn't need a nickname, I think. The gravitas of Atticus prohibits it, really. 

Dill, measuring the sofa

Anyway, besides nicknames, I've learned a lot this past week. I've learned that sick kittens are no fun. In fact, they're pretty distressing. You don't know whether to cuddle them or cry with them. I've learned that London is a VERY LOUD place. I've learned that everyone wants to know what you've got inside your pet carrier, from the smallest child to the man who stands at the barrier checking train tickets (the very man who has no interest in any aspect of the train station or life in general). And I've learned that cats get sweaty palms when nervous or scared. They also tremble and shed tears.

We're finally coming out on the other side, I think, but believe me when I say, BLERGH and SOB. Needless to say it's been an emotional roller-coaster at Casa Findingmoxie. There's been nausea, loss of appetite and disturbed sleep--and that's just been me! 

First, it was Atticus. Atticus didn't have her breakfast one morning. Breakfast is usually the one meal where they turn on me if I take too long walking their bowls to their pen. Sure, it's just one meal, but when  you're the smallest and lightest, a meal can seriously set you back. Oh, and yes, I've begun weighing them on the kitchen scale. Don't tell Mr Findingmoxie. I wipe it down to make it nice and safe before and afterwards, but he's particular that way. Anyway, besides skipping a meal, Atticus listlessly lay on her bed all morning--not playing or even watching the others play. And the others avoided her. No one slept next to her or gave her a second glance. They seemed to be studiously avoiding her, which freaked me out. I used to share cats in university with my roommates and when Oregon got fatally ill, his brother Dakota just walked away from him as if he could smell it. 

Atticus settling down for cuddles

Nap Corner--well worth giving up a library shelf

So, away we went to the vet. I packed Atticus in the carrier, which dwarfed him as it's meant to carry six and which weighed a serious ton after half a mile's walk. I got to the train station--oh yes, no car for me, so I had to haul a sick kitten onto a train and a bus to get to the vet--and Atticus was shaking with absolute terror. I opened the cage and just stroked her until gradually she stopped visibly trembling. I was surprised at how shaken I felt! From that moment, I looked at London through tiny eyes. Everything was so big, trains were roaring past, people rolling suitcases by that sounded like thunder, the loudspeakers were crackling and blaring with announcements and the door between train coaches slammed like an explosion every time someone walked through cars. I was jumping at every little sound and I could only imagine what Atticus thought. At the vet, I was suddenly the lesser evil and she kept trying to crawl into my arms and just hide. Luckily, she was just dehydrated and got two shots from a very large needle. Time to haul her home. By the time we got home, my arms were like noodles and I felt dehydrated. It was all worth it, though, to see her cavort with her buddies just a few hours later. Crisis averted. 

Jem, lapping it up, GEDDIT?

Until the next crisis, that is. Boo Radley decided to try his hand at sick. He's the shyest cat still and as he has always been a bit of a loner, it took me some time to notice his symptoms. While the other cats curl up to me or nosily check in with what I'm doing, Boo keeps to himself and usually sleeps in our files drawer. He loves to play though and I noticed that he carried on sleeping while I dangled his favorite toy with the other kittens. After the next meal, when Jem was curled up in my lap purring away, Boo Radley looked at us and lo and behold, crept closer. And closer. And then stepped onto my lap and slept on Jem. My first reaction was triumph--I did it! Boo Radley loves me!! HUZZAH. 

But as much as I wanted to believe that, the less sentimentally motivated part of my brain zinged and alarms starting going off. You don't go from still shying away from stroking to lap time. You just don't. This was a seriously sick kitty who obviously felt so rundown that any comfort would be welcome, even my body heat. I began to panic, but imagine if I called the vet to say that I knew the kitten was ill because he came to sit on my lap. I'm fairly certain that there'd soon be a note next to my name (like there is on my NHS file) that findingmoxie is a bit of a hypochondriac and jumps at shadows. What sealed the deal was Boo Radley's urge to use the litter tray with no result. I was told to rush him down to the vet. Because he was the most nervous, I decided to endure the weight and take another kitty along as moral support. Scout, being the most well adjusted, was the kitten for the job. Talk about short sticks. 

Boo Radley, Sun Worshipper and Big Reader

Leaving sweaty paw prints on the vet's table, Boo Radley struggled to disappear into my arms. I joked with the vet that I should have brought all the kittens in before--we could have gotten them to trust me sooner. I would have been the lesser evil. She laughed and agreed. Poor Boo was so tense, his whole body felt like a stretched rubber band. He would dash away from the vet and I'd pick him up and he'd just curl into me, no claws and no fleeing. It would have been lovely if I hadn't been so upset on his behalf. 

At this stage, Scout was just trying to act invisible in the carrier. He had buried his face in his paws, hoping we'd forget about him. We got Boo's temperature taken--although, according to the vet, this was easier said than done as he was clenching so. Oh, my poor Boo Radley. Turns out, Boo had a very high fever and antibiotics were in order. 

Hilarity ensued as the vet tried to give Boo a tablet. She had assumed he was an average kitty, but she didn't realise who she was dealing with. This is the kitten, who, no matter how I stuffed books and boxes under the sofa, would still outsmart me and dig a path to the back of the sofa--making my efforts to keep him out from underneath the sofa a critical loss since I'd only created an impregnable fortress for him to hide behind. Boo spat that pink tablet out 4 times and by the time she got it down him, it was white and his white chest had gone pink--a badge of honour, I'm sure Boo would consider. 

Scout is cuckoo for polka dots.

In the end, both Boo and Scout were no worse for their trip. On the train home, Scout pressed his face against the door of the carrier and touched my leg with his paw. I looked up from my book and saw that he had enormous tears in his eyes. No joke, I almost cried myself. I reached in and stroked him and soon enough he fell asleep, somewhat comforted. Once home, he was his usual unflappable self, thank goodness. Boo was jumpy, but still takes food from my hand. But lap time is over. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

Sun-kissed Dill

Anyway, because the rule of six ensures that not all six kittens will be healthy, happy and wise at the same time, nor will they be sick and poorly at the same time, I will probably have more trips to the vet. Especially as Boo will need a check up after his course of antibiotics (yes, Mr Findingmoxie and I are swaddling him nightly and forcing a tablet down. Only 3 more nights. God help us.) and I have to take poo samples in for testing. Yes, it's come to that. I would, however, like to stress that they're even more adorable and fun to make up for these issues. See photos for evidentiary support. Also, silver lining: how absolutely cut my arms are from all this hauling. I'm sure I'll be giving tickets away to the gun show soon. Watch this space. 

Getting Down to Business

Life in the Fast Lane

Tiny round blanket, Too Many Kitties

All things kitty have been booming here at Casa Findingmoxie. But while we've been racking up the progress and celebrating our successes with cuddles, a sliver of sadness has wedged itself into my thoughts. In two weeks, I've got to give up my kittens to the CHAT shelter and that sadness is going to kick me in the pants. With a steel-toed boot. These little darlings have taken over my life (insert here, Mr Findingmoxie shaking his head in chagrin) and come that day there will be a seriously large kitten-pile-shaped hole in my life.

Atticus and Dill, getting Olympic fever.

 I've been imagining that in the moment I hand the kittens back, an alternative universe will open up in which I kept Atticus, Dill, Scout, Jem, Calpurnia and Boo Radley and we all lived happily ever after. Including Mr Findingmoxie. When times get hard, I'll go to that universe and wonder what that findingmoxie and her band (technically, a clowder) of wily kittens is getting up to. My official happy place. Maybe we'll have a cat plantation like Hemingway's in Key West. Maybe we'll be lying on marble tiles, cooling ourselves in that Greek taverna that we run. Maybe we'll be fighting crime and de-mousing cities.

On a side note, I now know what Papa Findingmoxie feels like when Mr Findingmoxie and I would visit and on the first day, he'd immediately fixate on our departure date and how sad he was going to be on that day. We'd tease him about it and he'd have to shake it off. I can see that I'm going to have to make an effort to savor kitten life and not angst before I need to--between this, my charm, and my sporadic compulsive cleaning urges, I don't think there's any chance that I'm not going to turn into Papa Findingmoxie. But that's an issue for another day. Obviously.

After many kamikaze missions to get my feather quill down, we have a tussle for it.

But back to the kittens and their shenanigans. This week, another friend-lleague, Shona, brought her little boys for a play-date. Frankly, I was a wee bit apprehensive given the shelter has marked the kittens for an adult only home. Let's face it, although the kittens and Shona's boys were roughly the same age, neither kittens nor kids play nice--never mind the twain meeting. I needn't have worried because Shona and her boys brought my lot a new set of toys: fish on a stick! And who doesn't love a new toy? Scout and Jem chased the fish, Boo Radley consented to watch for a bit before retiring under the sofa, Dill and Cal ran in and out of play, and Atticus gingerly sat on the other side of the room. Scout, cajoled with more playing, sat on laps and even vogued for a photo. Visit accomplished!

Scout, who likes to sleep face down.

How do you ask is Scout on laps? Well, given that Scout loves to play and chase, he would get so worked up in games that my legs were starting to look like I'd climbed my way out of a rocky ravine wearing hot pants, while menaced by tiny tigers. Mr Findingmoxie was not liking my new look and on a whim, I used a towel as protective kevlar. It worked a treat! For my legs and also for their confidence. Hiding my body under the towel gave the kittens license to ignore reality; no legs belonging to big people here! After all, it was just this fuzzy towel on which they liked chewing, playing and eventually, napping. While it began with playing, Scout, Cal, Dill and even Jem would pause on my lap sometimes, taking a breather and I would stroke them gently. I'd usually get a few minutes before they'd see something cooler to do and be off like the wind to destroy our lounge. But without even trying, things started to get adorable. I know, I've got six kittens, how much more adorable could it be?

Scout, my little puppy.

Well, here's the thing. Jem, the black male, LOVES mealtimes and oh, not in the way Dill loves mealtimes. Dill will shove any other kitten under a bus if that kitten stood between Dill and a bowl of deliciousness. Actually, doesn't even need to be a bowl. I've been feeding them chicken out of my hand and Dill will latch onto my finger with her claws, licking the chicken off while simultaneously, hissing a back off warning to the other kittens. If eating off the kitchen floor, in the case of an accidental chicken drop, she will hunch over it, stick her paw out on either sides as a 'You Shall Not Pass!' to the others. She's like the Godfather of food: sweet and charming for the most part, but will not hesitate to end you if  you cross her in food.

Jem, however, experiences pure bliss at mealtimes. Food makes him so happy that he purrs like a giant motor (yes, it is that loud). Now, I still sit with them while they eat, handling them and petting them so they remember the good times rather than the hands that shove them back into the pen or make them take medicine. Anyway, couple of days ago, Jem turns to me, squints up in pure bliss and steps onto my crossed ankles. I rub his face a bit and he inches up higher on my legs. I didn't want to spook him, but I couldn't let the opportunity slide, so I picked him up into my lap. And waited.

Besties, Me and Scout

He stayed. He turned around and tried to sit down, but have you ever noticed how human laps are so slippery and all the wrong angles if you're a tiny kitten? He just couldn't stay in place and risking it, I grabbed him and the towel and placed both over my lap.  Jem now had purchase on my legs and could have his face rubbed all at once. He purred himself to sleep: full on kitty sleep-coma. There I was, trapped under my first sleeping kitty and no one there to see it. And boy, was my camera a serious reach away. Just then, Scout jumped up to see what was going on. He settled in. I hardly dared to breathe! I couldn't take it anymore. I shifted softly, reached and reached, and just about got hold of the camera (thank you, yoga, great for sticky dress zippers and contorting without waking cats). I straightened and looked back to see if I'd disrupted the sleeping kittens. There's Atticus staring back at me.

From L-R, Me, Scout, Jem and Atticus

Okay, I geeked out a little. On the inside. Quietly. There were three kittens on me. It was official: kitten pile had begun. It was AH-MAZING. So, that's how we conclude our morning and afternoon meals everyday now and it's really lovely. Although, I do need to start putting camera, reading material, phone, beverage and remote control all within easy reaching distance of the sofa. Otherwise, I am trapped for an hour of nap-time for kittens, but wool-gathering for findingmoxie.

We've been living in our flat for nearly three years now and it's taken the kittens to show us how absolutely impeccable we've kept this place. Seriously, it's like a show flat. Or as Mr Findingmoxie says, it was. Three years of hard wear by us and the sofa looked brand new. Four weeks of kitty hijinks and the sofa is looking a wee bit tired. But, as I reckon, it'll look like people actually lived here when we leave. The kittens in their exploration of the kitchen and all its heights and nooks (see photo of kitten tower) have also discovered that the skirting under our kitchen cupboards isn't so much solidly attached, but basically propped up. Really. Can you believe it? It takes one kitten eye for spatial dimensions (or maybe six on committee), one judicious placement of the paw and the skirting opens sesame, flat onto the floor--silently no less. I walk into the kitchen for a drink and nearly lost it, thinking, how on EARTH will I explain this one to Mr Findingmoxie?! After wrastling six kittens out from underneath the cupboards, I took a closer look at the mechanisms and guess what? There are none. It just stands up. Huh. That's what I'd call cutting corners, landlord.

Conclusion: 

These kittens will be lap-cats yet if I have anything to say about it. In fashion news, kittens do not understand long skirts and are inclined to view them with great suspicion. Fringe boots, however, are a different kettle of fish. All feline eyes were on my feet watching the fringe swish. Not to be worn for extended kitten play, unless you don’t mind an ambush. Or being watched with barbecue eyes.

Boo Radley, the Big Buddha

Next up: nicknames and power plays!

Teach a Cat to Fish and He'll Cuddle

It is my birthday today and funnily enough, I forgot this. Yes, in birthday month, a month of rolling celebrations and treats to celebrate Me, I woke up this morning, having forgotten it was my birthday. I dragged myself out of bed (though knackered from yesterday's excess as a Pirate and too much sun and cider at the seaside) and began the morning feeding and playtime. Mr Findingmoxie came in from his shower and wished me a happy birthday and only then, did the penny drop. I was elbow deep in litter tray maneuvers. On my birthday. I had to laugh, because honestly, in all birthday month celebrations, I would not have included looking after six kittens with digestive issues. Fair enough, six adorable kittens who adorably adored me, yes, I had imagined that.

Scout, with his new love.

I actually had imagined they'd be so far along  by now that I could fit tiny little birthday hats to their heads. Because that worked so well with my last set of kittens (just imagine wrestling one hat onto a kitten, turning  to the other, wrestling the second into a hat, only to see that the first kitty had chewed his off. Don't ask me how many repetitions they and I endured before we gave up. Sorry, Roomie Scraps, guess you'll never know how much Oregon, Dakota and I loved you on your birthday).

What I have gotten instead, are six kittens with the squirts. I know, TMI. I'll keep it brief. What you should know is that kittens can make the most hilariously appalling fart noises (which, I'd NEVER heard before and couldn't help but laugh helplessly, even while I was freaking out). Seriously, tiny kitten, loud farting. And they looked so embarrassed, the little darlings. But this required a trip to the vets--me, not them, thank God--for medicine and special sensitivity food. If you're a pet owner, there is nothing that probably terrifies you more than hearing 'tablets,' especially if it involves being shoved down six little throats with sharp little sets of teeth.

The equivalent of tossing the old pigskin around.

Mr Findingmoxie was not prepared to dread this as much as I was. After all, to him, they're just kittens. I, however, dreaded from the benefit of past experience. I occasionally had to give tablets to cats at the shelter and it was always a trial--even with Martin, the toothless old cat. Girding my loins, I set about starting with the easiest kitten, Scout. After much wriggling, I had yet to even find Scout's mouth. Oy. This was going to be a mission impossible. Mr Findingmoxie and I put our heads together, plotting and glancing furtively at the kittens. They were none the wiser, the little sillies. We tag-teamed them. That's right. I picked them up, Mr Findingmoxie held them immobile, I wedged their tiny teeth open a crack and shoved the tablet in, stroking their throat for the final swallow.

Let me tell you something, kittens are sly. They will submit eventually, hold still and make like they've swallowed it, and only when you release your hold the tiniest bit, they will spit it out. Some were easy and gave up after a few seconds; some, like Atticus, played the long game and held the tablet on his tongue for five minutes. Believing we'd won, we loosened our hold and he spat it out. Five minutes! Boo Radley, who we had to swaddle in a towel to keep still, however, was simply hilarious. At this stage, I could tell by the look on his face that he was playing us like Atticus. So, I decided to call his bluff. I offered him a crunchy treat that he loves so much. You all should have seen his face then. He opened his mouth eagerly, took the treat, remembered the tablet and just froze with the treat half out of his mouth--while he tried to decide how he was going to get out of this one. His thoughts were plain on his face. Do I swallow the hated tablet for the pleasure of the treat or do I drop the treat and spit the tablet out? But then they'll KNOW I haven't swallowed the tablet. Wait. Be cool. Be cool. He finally gave up, grudgingly, and swallowed both.

I cannot even explain the immense sense of accomplishment both Mr Findingmoxie and I felt. We were never on team sports, so maybe this is what all the fuss is about. But we had to high-five. Really. It was that good. About as good as finishing a Faulkner novel (Absalom, Absalom, I'm looking at you). We were both truly excited that they hadn't bitten us or scratched us. They are definitely not mean or aggressive kitties--just taking it slow with big people love. On that win, we went out to dine on steak and gin for my birthday.


And this morning, to honour my birthday, my lovely little kittens have finally relaxed enough to nap outside of the pen. As you know, for the last week, every time they've been let out, they have run amok. Even when they're woozily weaving on their feet from exhaustion, they would still amok. They would then become toddlers who missed nap-time, chasing each other, knocking everything over, biting and fighting in tired rage--general tantrum throwing. I'd finally have to put them back in the pen for some needed rest and they would all drop off immediately. It was frustrating and funny to see. I knew that if they realised being out of the pen could be relaxed without crazy running around for all they're worth, they would socialise faster. And frankly, we'd get cute cuddly kitties, which is precisely what all my little angels chipped in to get me this year for my birthday. I had a magical half hour on the sofa with six dozing kittens--not more than 2 feet away from me! Poor Mr Findingmoxie, because he's going to have to pull something out of a hat to trump that gift.

Are We Dogs or Are We Cats?

Scout, mad for the new feather toy and frankly, it's not Love as you or I would see it. Scout doesn't love the feather toy so much that he wants to set it free and see if it'll come back to him. Oh, no. It's pure obsession. Scout can only be happy if he's got the feather toy in his mouth, under the sofa, hidden away from all the kittens enjoying his precious.

Ballerinas and Escape Artists

Boo Radley with the grace of a dancer

Like any family, we all have our own individual talents. Mr Findingmoxie has skill with numbers and likes being called a mathematician. I can read 100 pages in an hour and have a photographic memory, more or less (English 45C Final at Berkeley, I couldn't remember the name of the W.B. Yeats poem and referenced it by the page number in the anthology. Yes, that's how geeky I can be).

Boo Radley, as you've seen, is a ballerina. Scout is an indefatigable sportsman. Dill is the fastest draw in the west when it comes to leaping out of the pen--escape artist or ninja, I don't even know. What I do know is that she takes a stunning photo. Kid's a natural.

Dill, born to pose

Calpurnia is a devotee of the string. Wherever there is a string, she will give up everything for worship of it. Even conkers (yeah, they love conkers. Why do we have conkers? God, I so wanted to type 'honkers' all because I am twelve years old. Because spiders fear them and we fear spiders). Anywho. The kittens adore knocking around our conkers.

Sensei Atticus

Atticus surely must have the sharpest claws as he sharpens them all day long, but he is also wise, because he knows that with great power, comes great responsibility and has never scratched me. It's like he's a Sensei in training: our own Mr Miagi. Jem, well, Jem is the beauty queen. Jem has cheekbones to die for and lovely slanted eyes--and he knows it. He languishes about (when he's not tearing it up at playtime) and regally tilts his head, to hold his chiseled cheek up for a genteel rub. Not much of a cuddler otherwise, but preens when you make a fuss about his bone structure.

Atticus and Dill facing off

To catch you all up, we've been experimenting with all lot more playtime outside of the pen. I know, we were advised that they might not be ready. But I don't think they got the memo. Every single time, I open their pen for feeding or cleaning, one of them is out like a shot--usually Dill. What's most galling is that they seem to be sharper than me in the morning. I stumble out of the bedroom, thinking they're just helpless and hungry, and they're like little meerkats, all upright and eyeing me up for their moment of escape. Yesterday morning, I must have been especially tired because three, count 'em, three got past me. I'm not a morning person and the little darlings have already scented this weakness. So, rather than fight a losing battle, I'm going with it. Besides, it gives the OCD in me opportunity to hoover out their pen while they run themselves ragged.

Boo Radley giving me the finger

I'll be honest; on the occasions they surprised me, I had neglected to shut the bedroom door and being super cunning, they made a beeline for the bedroom. Now, I had promised Mr Findingmoxie that we would keep the little allergen-shedding rascals from the bedroom and this caused me some serious panic. The first time, I chased Atticus around the bed a few times, muttering, 'oh no, oh no, oh no, ' which quickly turned to tiny shrieks when he jumped and ran across BOTH OF OUR PILLOWS. Not anywhere else on the bed. Not across the foot, but right across both pillows where we like to rest our faces. Our clean, freshly washed faces. Now, sadly, I had to confess this to Mr Findingmoxie and measures were taken.

Our fancy box

Dill on his obstacle course

Last night, however, had to be the most comical and simply ridiculous position in which I have EVER found myself--which if you know me, is saying something! It was late and I was finishing up feeding the kittens. Mr Findingmoxie had already retired to his rest. Reaching into the pen to put their clean litter tray in, three kittens jumped out simultaneously. Cue 'Ack.' Naturally, it was a kitty beeline for the bedroom, where Mr Findingmoxie laid his pretty little head. I dashed after them into the bedroom, to see Mr Findingmoxie, deep asleep (phew) with his eye-mask on and oblivious to it all. By all, I refer to the 2 kittens gamboling around our bedroom. I had to tread carefully--literally. Picture me chasing kittens around the bedroom on tiptoe, all the while keeping an eye on the door to avoid any more kittens coming in and trying to refrain from cursing. It was the quietest chase scene in the entire world. Needless to say, I was fully cognizant of the absolute hilarity of the whole scene and on top of it all, had to keep from laughing. Wish you were all there. Although, not sure if Mr Findingmoxie would have found it all that amusing.

It's Conker TIME!

Conclusion: the kittens are definitely developing personalities and are getting more and more comfortable. Boo Radley will still not play with me, but will allow me to pet and pick him up. Briefly. He's definitely my troubleshoot. The others are coming along in leaps and bounds. And I'm in love with them all. Curses. Oh and they LOVE foam fingers. Seriously.